Dear future babies,
Gosh I’m getting so excited to start this journey to finally meet you! Let me fill you in on what’s been happening lately;
So I finally got a date for my surgery on 23rd June which was a week after we got back from holiday. Our holiday was fantastic. I used to be scared of flying but i went on a course to help me not feel scared anymore and it worked! This was the first time I’d got on a plane in 6 years! I was so happy to finally be able to go back to Helsinki! It was funny because a lot had changed but a lot was exactly how I remembered, and somethings I didn’t even know I remembered. It was really special for me to show Dad where I grew up and hopefully he can picture some of it now when we all talk about growing up there. It’s such an amazing place and I would love to take you when you’re older especially in winter when it’s snowy, it’s just so magical. The holiday was just what we needed we were relaxed and managed to put all these struggles we’ve been through to one side for a week and really enjoy ourselves and each other.
When we got back I started feeling poorly again and unfortunately ended up with another infection so my operation was cancelled. It was so upsetting because it was yet another setback on our road to you. Luckily they set another date quickly on 12th July. I was lucky to have it done at a private hospital through work.
I was a scared of the operation but I also just happy to finally be well enough to have it and to get this part out of the way before we start IVF. I was worried that I would wake up and things would be worse than we’d thought and maybe it would mean I could never have you at all but luckily that didn’t happen. The surgeon did say that it was worse than he thought but he managed to remove my tubes which were causing all the nasty problems I was having. After the surgery I was very sleepy and sore but I was happy for it to finally be over. Of course for you my darlings it’s all worth it and I would do it a hundred times if I had to. I spent a lot of time resting and Dad had to do all the cooking and cleaning, he was very god at looking after me. I had over two weeks off work which I enjoyed because it meant I could watch telly all day in my pjs!
While I was off I met up with a new friend I made on Instagram, her name is Jade and she knows exactly how I’ve been feeling because she has been through a similar experience. I was nervous at first, it felt like a first date but we got on really well and felt like we’d known each other forever! I’m so happy I have found so many wonderful friends through that community, I’m meeting some more friends on Saturday! Sometimes it’s difficult for our friends and family to understand what it’s like for us but the ladies I talk to online know exactly how hard it is and what I’m feeling so it helps a lot. It’s like a secret club!
At the moment I’m waiting for our first appointment at the fertility clinic to come through. I hope it will come quickly. I’m ready to start now and I check the post every morning hoping a letter has come. All the waiting is very hard but I know that next step will be the hardest thing we’ve ever done, it’s strange that I’m so excited for it isn’t it?!
For every scar and bruise I have right now all I can think of when I look at them is that you will be worth it every pain and ache and worry, it will be nothing compared to how happy we’ll be when we finally welcome you into the world.
Keep fighting to get to us my gorgeous babies we are ready and we are coming for you.
Love Mum xx