Dear future babies,
Today was a big day for us, our first appointment at our IVF clinic! I’ve been looking forward to this day for a long time and it was finally a reality. For the first time in a long time the thought of you is starting to become a possibility at last. IVF will definitely be a roller coaster, up until now we’ve only been in the queue but we are so close to getting to the front and get our chance to ride it!
Yesterday we got back from 4 days in Mallorca staying with your Great Auntie Flis. It was also your dad’s 30th birthday. This was my second trip since doing my fear of flying course and I have to say I’m proud of how far I’ve come. The whole trip would have never even been a possibility before and now we are already planning more trips and new adventures! It was perfect timing and gave us both the opportunity to just relax, sunbath, swim and eat lots of yummy food. It really helped take my mind off the all-important appointment and also helped me to lose the last few pounds I needed to meet the criteria for us to start IVF. I was so worried about that, you can’t imagine, the decision as to whether we would get funding or not was all on my shoulders and I was worried I would be just a fraction over but we passed and I couldn’t have been happier.
Your dad insisted we left for our appointment about an hour and forty five minutes early, despite me telling him it would only take 40 mins he was convinced we would get stuck in traffic or get lost! I secretly think it was because he was just as excited for the appointment as I was. We waited in the car when we got there for about half an hour as we were so early, he pointed to the hospital and said ‘just think that’s where our baby will be made’. I was really touched by that because I’d not even stopped to think that far ahead, my mind was on the appointment and more importantly the ‘scales of doom’! But he was completely right, one day you will be made in that hospital and I’m sure before we know it, the time will come for us to go and pick you up and have you put back in my tummy where I can hopefully keep you safe for 9 months. I’ve got tears in my eyes just thinking about it! We were joking the other day that if you ask us where babies are made we can say you were made at Salisbury hospital, or just point to the the freezer. It’s surreal to think I’ll be having those conversations with you one day. I also find it strange to think that you might have brothers or sisters that were made at the same time as you but we might not decide to have them until years later. I hate to think of you all cold and frosty in the freezer.
The nurse who led our appointment was really lovely and it’s a very small team so it’s very personal , I’ve heard a lot of good things so that really makes a difference, their jobs must be so rewarding and I know we will be eternally grateful to the them for helping us start our family. I took lots of photos whilst we were there, your dad as usual thought I was crazy. I want to document our journey as much as possible so I can share it all with you one day.
So we now know we will be approved for funding, we both had to have blood tests today and we will have another appointment, hopefully in a month or so, to have more tests and meet our consultant to discuss what we will be doing going forward. I am really trying to stay positive and believe that it will all work first time so you will be with us by this time next year. The realistic part of me knows that might not happen but I dream of telling Grandma that you are finally on your way in December, surrounded by all the family.
We are surrounded by so much love and support on our journey to you. I was so excited yesterday after we got the all clear that I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! All our friends and family are so supportive and just as excited as we are. The best support of all comes from all the wonderful ladies I follow online. I just don’t know what I’d do without them. I know they are all rooting for us and seeing all their different stories spurs me on. I think from here on in, we won’t discuss the process with our friends and family, I don’t think I would like having the added pressure on my shoulders, plus I would like to be able to surprise people if it does work, it’s all so clinical, we want to have some sense of ‘normality’ and don’t want to miss out on that by updating everyone each step of the way.
We had some of the family round for a takeaway and they were all hoping for twins and saying it runs in the family. I will be happy with whatever happens. Sometimes I barely have enough energy to look after myself let alone one or two babies but I know we would manage, your dad is superhuman and can survive on about 3 hours sleep so I know with him by my side we can cope with anything.
We are so close now, I already want to know when our next appointment is so I can start looking forward to it and know when we might get started! I’m scared that maybe I’m too optimistic but then I worry I’m not positive enough. I want to manage my expectations but this will be the closest I will have come to even having a chance at becoming pregnant in nearly a year, there is a lot riding on it but I just have to believe that we will be one of the lucky ones where it will work first time and try to put the ‘what ifs’ out of my mind.
As always, not a day goes by where I don’t think of you, I will try to relax as much as possible before my next appointment but I know that will be easier said than done.
Please know we are doing everything possible and fighting for you everyday, some days are harder than others but it’s all worth it for you.
Love, Mum xx