October 2017

Dear future babies,

It’s exactly one week today until I have my first injection to start our IVF cycle. I feel excited and nervous and everything in between.

Since my last letter, we’ve had our injection training appointment with the nurse and signed all the consent forms to allow us to finally start our cycle. I’m not nervous about the injections. I think if your Auntie Lucy can manage with several insulin injections every day of her life, I can manage for a few weeks. I’m nervous about getting the dosages right and fiddling about changing needles, but I know your dad will be a champ at all that so that’s going to be his job. He doesn’t want to inject me though so I’ll do that myself. This is a photo of the day the drugs were delivered, can you tell who was nervous and who was calm?

I start on 2nd November with a drug called Buserelin, that starts what they call ‘down regulation’, the drugs put my body into an artificial menopause and shuts down my natural cycle so the clinic have full control over what happens next. I have to take that injection everyday until they tell me to stop. They say the side-effects can be pretty horrible so I’m not looking forward to that (neither is your dad!)

On 23rd November I go in for a baseline scan to check the Buserelin has worked, if everything looks OK I will start my second daily injection of a drug called Gonal F. This is what stimulates my ovaries. During a normal cycle a woman will release one egg a month, with this drug I will hopefully grow LOTS of eggs which may one day become you!

After that we don’t really know what will happen as it all depends on how I respond to the drugs but if all goes to plan we should hopefully have an ’embryo on board’ by the middle of December. That means that our official test date will only be a few days before Christmas. I’m scared because it could either mean the best or worst Christmas ever.

December this year will mark 3 years of us trying for a baby. So much has happened in that time, nothing has gone quite according to plan but I’m so thankful that we finally have the opportunity to start our journey to meet you. The past four Christmases have been hard and I think some of the magic has been lost when all I’ve wanted is you but I know once you are here it will be back and better than ever and I can’t wait.

At the beginning of October, I ended up spending a night in hospital again with the same symptoms that kept putting me in hospital before my surgery. I have to admit that was the most scared I’d been since March, I was devastated and struggled to understand why it was happening after so many reassurances that my operation would mean the end of it. I felt like I’d put all that behind us and we were finally ready for a fresh start. No one could give me any answers as to why this happened again so I have no way of knowing how to prevent it. I just have to hope that it won’t affect our upcoming cycle and our chances of meeting you, it’s just another blip on our adventure.

There has been a lot of sad news from friends in the community recently and it’s so upsetting. All the women I know are so brave and strong and keep fighting even though it seems impossible, some have been through hell and back and they are still here supporting others. They are so deserving and such an inspiration and I only hope I can be as brave as they are over the next few months.

I really hope we will be meeting you very soon and that our first cycle is a success, I will try my very hardest to make sure of that but I’m so sorry if I can’t. We won’t be giving up on you anytime soon. I truly hope 2018 is the year that will be on your birth certificate.

Love, Mum xx

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