Infertility

May 2018 – Part 3

Dear future babies,

I’m currently sat writing this at 4 days past transfer. Our 5AA embryo, now affectionately known as ‘Mojo’, thawed beautifully and is now, hopefully, snuggling in nicely in my tummy for the next 9 months.

This embryo was frozen on day 6. It’s weird to think it’s been sat in the freezer since December. The embryologist was very happy with how it re-expanded, and I could hear everyone cooing over it as I got changed ready for transfer. I’m sure the nurse said that’s the first 5AA she’d seen. We joked after that the embryo looked like it had hair, which wouldn’t surprise me! There was also a little bit hatching out and it looked like a little willy which your dad found hilarious!!

Our consultant played Beyoncé and Kylie this time. We were hoping it would be Austin Powers because of Mojo! I didn’t cry this time but it was just as magical as the first time and full of emotion.

I’ve been off this week and I’m glad I am because I don’t think I’d be in the right place mentally to be at work right now. I’ve got a list of things I wanted to do and I’ve been keeping busy. It’s been lovely and sunny too so I’ve been out in the garden reading or having a cup of tea and getting some vitamin D.

I’ve been struggling the first few days, worrying that I’ll get bleeding again, I think if I can get to 6 days past transfer I will feel like I can relax a little. I can’t help but compare to my last transfer. I wish I could say I had a feeling if it had worked or not, but honestly I don’t know. I’m trying to just think that we’ve done all we could, apart from maybe eat less chocolate, this cycle and we’ve given Mojo the best chance we can.

I’ve created a playlist that I’ve been listening to a lot, a mixture of songs that make me think of you and our IVF journey and just ones that are on the radio at the moment that I like. I’m hoping I can listen back in a few months time and it will bring back all the emotion of this time but in a good way! A few have made me cry today as has a book I was reading so I’m taking that as a sign the drugs are doing their job!

On Sunday we have a TTC meet up planned and I really can’t wait to catch up with the girls. I’m not sure if I’m going to go back to work next week, I think I’ll play it by ear and see how I feel nearer the time.

Today I’m feeling bloated and I keep rubbing my tummy and pretending it’s a bump and talking to Mojo telling him to do his best to hang in there if he can. I’m so full of hope that he’s you and he’ll be the one reading this one day. I love you already so much.

Love, Mum xx

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