Infertility

Guest Blog – Jo

Dear future family,

As I write this letter to you it is January 3 rd 2019. Your Dad and I have just spent our fifth Christmas longing for you to join us and continuing to hold on confidently to the fact that one day you will be here. We have dreamt of you for a long time now; making lists of baby names, wondering whether
you’ll share in our hobbies, decorating your room in our heads (that might just be me) and questioning over and over why we must wait so long to meet you. You were born in our hearts so long ago. I am sure that if the strength of our love for you were enough to bring you into being, this
seemingly never ending wait would be over.

Unfortunately our wait is not yet over. I have never doubted my longing to be a mum and even before we decided we were ready for a family I had my doubts about whether I would be able to carry you myself. I have endured over ten years of medical investigation including surgeries, blood transfusions, countless blood tests, trips to the hospital and hours of unstoppable pain. It makes sense that my body is failing me and in some ways I always expected it to. It’s how I persuaded your Dad, who was almost 26 at the time, that it was time to try and bring you into our lives. This battle
was something I knew we would have to deal with but I know it is all so worth it as we work towards meeting you.

The physical strain was always something I expected but I could never have been ready for the mental effort that creating our family would take, or for how alienated from friends I would soon feel as they got married and got pregnant reliably, one after the other. A number of them have had
at least two children while we still wait for you. Waiting for appointments has left us feeling powerless to move forward and right now I am wondering how much more medical intervention my soul can take. Your Dad is the greatest support I could ever need and we take turns to hold each
other up when things are difficult. I could not express how lucky he makes me feel if I tried; he has lifted me up when I’ve been so low that I haven’t been able to function, and has stood by me as I have withdrawn from our friends and isolated myself to protect my hurting heart.

You may wonder why now? Why write after 56 long months of hoping for you? I choose now because I am beginning to feel stronger. I believe you are on your way to us and when you finally arrive we will know that you are perfect for our family – that we could never have imagined things any other way and that things are exactly as they should be. I am enjoying my life again, and the days of debilitating hurt and frustration have subsided to make way for confidence that our wishes will come true in the most perfect way. Until then we promise that we will keep wishing for you at every opportunity.

Sending you more love than you can possibly imagine.

Your Mum & Dad xxx

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